


it is better to have love lost...

by IcarysAscending



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Cancer, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, Mentions of Cancer, Multi, Prostitution, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29383839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IcarysAscending/pseuds/IcarysAscending
Summary: John Munch has never been one for female companions, and a new female partner arriving at SVU is no exception. Except, she's different. Witty, kind, and beautiful like a woodland elf, he can't help but start to fall for her. But he soon finds his not-so safe for work relationship with Fin is getting in the way...and when Fin starts falling for her too, there's no easy answer.But nothing really ever goes Delilah Clem's way anyway.
Relationships: John Munch/Odafin "Fin" Tutuola, John Munch/Original Female Character
Kudos: 1





	1. have I known you for twenty seconds, or twenty years?

When the detective strutted into the door and checked her card, she looked around and frowned. The building was shabby and cold, nothing at all hospitable for a rape victim. She scanned the room, her eyes falling on a few people:  
A tall and thin man with his back to her, dripping snark and faux confidence in his posture. A woman, cropped hair, fiddling with some papers and talking to a rounder but taller man.  
“Uh...is this Special Vic?”  
The first man spun lazily in his office chair, standing up. Great, a rich rape vic, they always gave him crap.  
“Yes. Yes it is. I’m Detective John Munch, and you are?”  
“Delilah Clem. Good to meet you.” She shook his hand.  
He noticed a Star of David on her neck. “Sholem aleikhem.”  
“Borokhim aboyem! Another non goy.” She smiled at him.  
“Detective Clem.” Captain Crager called her from his office and she smiled.  
John saluted her with two fingers and sat back at his desk, immediately taking an interest in her. Sweet as apple pie, and clearly intelligent. What she wore screamed class and wit-her black turtleneck made her David stand out brightly. The pale grey pants she wore hugged her hips.  
“Welcome to NYPD SVU.”  
“Lot of acronyms!” She joked and Crager chuckled.  
“You’re with John Munch, but I see you’ve met.”  
“He’s charming.” She sat in the leathery chair and glanced at the dozens of achievements splayed across his wall.  
“He’s insane. Conspiracy theorist with four ex wives and an inherent distrust for women. But he is a genius. Speaks five languages and thinks like none of us, so you’re pretty set for a partner.”  
“He’s a Jew.”  
“Is that a problem?” Crager cocked an eyebrow.  
She gestured to her necklace. “No, I am as well.”  
“Oh, wonderful. Religious divide has often been a subject of contempt with him.”  
“I can imagine.” She smiled and sat down.  
“I’ve heard many things about you too.”  
“Oh?”  
“You were previously given awards for saving a cop from a burning building...very interesting.”  
“Well, um, I just was doing my job.” Delilah smiled sheepishly.  
“You went above and beyond. I expect the same from you now.”  
“Yes sir!”  
“I also heard you were good at getting in people’s heads...in more ways than one.”  
“Yes, I always have been an efficient manipulator. My father was a narcissist, so I learned from the best.” Delilah smiled thinly.  
“Why SVU?”  
“I have a little girl.” Delilah pulled out her wallet and showed him a picture.  
The girl had her mom’s hair, eyes, and smile.  
Delilah had brown pixie hair with gold streaks on top that shimmered when the light hits them. Her eyes were almond and sweet, her smile crinkling her nose and cheeks. She was...beautiful. Her daughter was her spitting image.  
“She didn’t get her chin from you.”  
“Thankfully, my chin is weaker than my lactose tolerance.”  
“Can’t have milk?”  
“Nope, and I love my coffee with creamer. But tea is alright, so that’s what I do!”  
He smiled at her. “I think you’ll bring some much needed cheer.”  
“I’m very cheery. It’s my way of coping.” She smiled sweetly and saluted.  
“Go have fun.”  
“Yes sir!”  
She trotted out of the rom and Munch looked up from his desk. “Did he tell you how absolutely batty I am?”  
“That you’re a raging misogynist and a conspiracy theorist? Yep.”  
“Hey, I am not a misogynist, I just don’t trust you ladies.” He took a sip of coffee and picked up a file.  
“I don’t trust men.”  
“Glad we agree on that, I would sooner be alone with my ex wife in a dark alleyway than the same situation with any guy.”  
Delilah laughed and sat, looking at her spotless new desk.  
John felt a tinge of anger at how quickly Fin had been moved upstairs and with a new partner. They had spent a year together and now they were separated because of two new detectives. Couldn't they be partnered up? But no, Cragen was right to say they needed experienced partners.  
“You must be Detective Clem.” A woman with a messy haircut walked over to her desk and sat on it.  
Delilah went white. “Um...please get off my desk.”  
“Oh, yeah, sorry.”  
“Yes, I’m Delilah Clem. You may call me Delilah.”  
“That’s my partner, Elliot Stabler, and I’m Olivia Benson.”  
“Nice to meet you.” She looked back down at her desk and suddenly furiously rubbed the space with a cloth.  
“Clean freak?”  
“Nope, I just don’t like butts on things.” She said and smiled, finishing. “I’m meticulous.”  
“You’re OCD.”  
“Actually, I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Can’t help it.”  
“Oh great, I got a bundle of nerves as a partner.” John grumbled.  
“She’s no coward, Munch, so lay off.” Cragen said from behind her. “We got a case. Prostitute murder down on the water. Munch, you and Clem check the scene. Benson, Stabler, talk to witnesses.”  
***  
Clem was a good driver. Munch had hated that about his previous partners-they were terrible drivers. Not her. She handled the car with precision and ease.  
“You drive well.”  
“Driving used to give me anxiety so I took a three year driving course.” She shrugged.  
“What doesn’t give you anxiety?”  
“Dead bodies. I’m surprisingly immune. Not even bad smells.”  
“Most anxious people hate death.”  
“I spent my life in death, I think I’m used to it.”  
“Family?”  
“Mom got cancer when I was eleven, dad was killed at twelve-he was a homicide cop, so I always saw the pictures and read the reports. Then he walked in on a robbery gone wrong.”  
“Jeez, that sucks.”  
“Eh, my dad and mom both sucked. My brother and I were sent to live with our uncle.”  
“Oh?”  
“Yeah, and that’s where my oversharing ends. It...it gets worse.” She sighed and pulled in. “Come on Munch.”  
“Call me John.”  
“Sure. Come on John.”  
Munch laughed and stepped out with her.  
“Aw, hell, look at her.”  
“Prostitute washed up a little while ago.”  
“Who reported it?” Delilah crouched by the body, seemingly unbothered by the stench.  
‘“Fisherman, caught her on the line.”  
“I thought you said she washed up.” Munch crossed his arms.  
“He dropped his line and when it washed up he had to drag.”  
Delilah crossed her arms. “Hm...sounds like someone is lying.”  
John nodded at her and looked over the body again. “Man, you’d think the people that use the service wouldn’t kill them.”  
“Well, y'know, men.”  
“On that we can agree.”  
A young Chinese man walked up to her and froze.  
“This is Special Agent Huang, who freezes up around new women.” Munch rolled his eyes but introduced him anyway.  
“Hi, I’m Detective Clem, lovely to meet you.”  
“Uh...yeah, um...body shows varying states of decomp, meaning some parts of her were only waterlogged for a brief period of time. She looks like she got her head caved in.”  
“Huh...I suppose a rape kit would be moot. Internal abrasion?”  
“Some discoloration that could be bruises, but could also be decomp. We gotta wait for lab results.” Huang shrugged and went back to looking.  
“It’s a shame prostitution isn’t legal.” She sighed. “Everyone would benefit from it.”  
“I agree. We should be able to buy our wives.”  
Delilah chuckled. “Most rich men already do.”  
“You have a wry sense of humor.” John stood by her as she stood up.  
“And you don’t?”  
“No, but I’d like to see how wry it gets over dinner.” He gave her a pointed look and she grinned.  
“You’re on, Munchy.”  
She walked away as John registered it. “No, no no, I am not Munchy-”  
“Munchy or Munchy Wunchy, your pick.” She sat in her driver’s seat and grinned at him.  
“...Munchy.” He grumbled. “But only you.”  
“Coming from you, that's like a wedding proposal.”  
He sat by her in the car. “How long have I known you?”  
“Ten minutes or ten years, pick one.”  
“Compromise on three years?” John watched the Medteam cover the body as she started the car.  
“Compromise on drinks tonight.”  
“Deal.”


	2. tell me a piece of your history that you're proud to call your own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John Munch has never been one for female companions, and a new female partner arriving at SVU is no exception. Except, she's different. Witty, kind, and beautiful like a woodland elf, he can't help but start to fall for her. But he soon finds his not-so safe for work relationship with Fin is getting in the way...and when Fin starts falling for her too, there's no easy answer.  
> But nothing really ever goes Delilah Clem's way anyway.

John sat at his desk after getting harrowed to high hell by the medteam for having a lady partner-Delilah just smiled, unaware. He rubbed his face and something caught his eye. A pretty green plant, small and probably plastic, sitting on his paperwork.  
“A succulent?”  
“Hmm?” Delilah looked up from her filing.  
“You got me a plastic plant.”  
“Oh, um, I always get my partners plants. I just figured you would prefer one that was minimal effort.”  
“I wish women were minimal effort most days.” John grumbled and went back to work.  
“Hush.” She looked back at her papers. “Hey, did we ever get an ID?”  
“Benson!” Munch called. “ID?”  
“We think her name is Valentina Rodriguez. She’s a hooker that went missing around the time of the vic’s death.”  
“I’m good with hookers, me and John will go.”  
“You sure Clem?” Elliot looked up from his papers. “They don’t like female detectives.”  
“They like me plenty.”

John stepped out and watched Delilah strip off of her sweater.  
“Jesus, not even the first-”  
“Shut up and follow me. Act like you wanna buy me.”  
“Fine.”  
She got out of the car and strutted over, licking her lips at the girls. Four in total.  
“Never seen a Jewish hooker before.” One remarked.  
“I get the goys too babe.”  
John stepped out of his car, looked around, and spotted her. He sauntered forward and smirked at her.  
“What’s a pretty girl like you doin in with all these Goyems?”  
“Makin money honey.”  
“Well I was lookin for Valentina, but you’ll do…”  
“Any of you guys know her? I’m sure he would prefer her over me.”  
That was hooker code for: oh dear god don't make me go with this thing!   
“Valentina left sugar. She went off with some white trash and hasn’t returned.” A black hooker said, puffing a blunt. “I’m Princess, by the way.”  
“Aww, always the whiteys.” Delilah pouted. “You get a looksie on this guy?”  
“What are you, Vice?”  
“Nah, just curious. What’s your name?”  
“I go by Vicki.” A white woman with a bad hairjob said.  
“Look, I got somewhere to be.” John reminded her. “Can you get me the Latina or what?”  
“She went off with a guy we call David the Handsy. Big, white, tall, tattoo of a vag on his arm.” Vicki nodded.  
“Ew…well, anyways ladies, I gotta go. I was just gonna stop in and introduce myself, see if I could bring in some old Jews. I’m Clementine, sugars. Here’s my card.”  
A custom hooker card, John was impressed. “Alright, now hurry up.”  
She walked back to the car with him and got in the backseat. He got in front and drove to a bridge. She sighed and rubbed the cheap smoke smell off of her bra.  
“Clementine?”  
“Well, I did some work in my younger days. I was good at it, thanks.” Delilah put her sweater back on.  
“Oh yeah?  
“Hey, don’t get any ideas, you men are ridiculously easy to please.”  
John chuckled. “Just shake something around a little and we’re all over it.”  
“Exactly. See, now you’re thinking like a freak.” She scooted up to his seat and was suddenly _ingested_ by the smell of a sweet cologne.  
 _“Jesus and Yahweh, what the hell are you wearing?”_  
“Not all of us have time for a shower.” John snapped, surprising her.  
“Okay, jeez, I’m sorry.”  
“Yeah, well, just...don’t bring it up.”  
They drove in silence, and she took a deep inhale.  
“...it smells nice.”  
“Really?” He glanced over at her.  
“Yes. Very earthy and nice....”  
“My soon to be ex wife bought it for me.” he said and turned, facing the street the office was on.  
He stopped the car and neither one of them moved for a second. he was thinking hard about the deposition that morning, and she was feeling guilty for making him go out with her. (But, of course, she had not forced him to say yes.)  
She set a hand on his shoulder. “We don’t have to do dinner-”  
“No!”  
She recoiled and he composed himself. “No, I...we’ve been separated for so long...I almost forget she’s my wife, still, yknow?”  
“I think I understand. So...what bar?”  
“Oh, cop bar up on the North end. They recognize me and I always get a table...in the back, privately.”  
She purred and he laughed. “Sorry for being such a downer.”  
“Hey, I like my men like I like my tea: bitter.”  
He chuckled and went to get out of the car before she yanked him away. A Mercedes came barreling down the street at ninety miles an hour. Had he stepped out and opened the door, there is no way he would have survived. He would have been Munch a la Pancake,  
And now he was pressing her down firmly into the seat, his body (as boney as it was) pushing her down. From an exterior perspective, you would have thought they were getting it on.  
She opened her door and he clambered out, pink up to the ears.  
“Well well Munch, already familiarizing your newest wife?” A cop, smoking outside the station, said with a cruelly amused tone.  
“Hey, leave him the hell alone.” Delilah snapped and climbed out as well.  
“Aww, make me. Can’t touch me or it’s some kinda sex crime, ain’t that right?”  
Munch had to grab her and lift her off the ground to get her from barreling at him half the speed of sound. He was utterly shocked at how strong she was, and it was a little scary that he, as hard as he squeezed, could barely keep her from escaping his grip.  
“What’s his name, John?” She growled as the beat cop scampered away.  
“Mikey Brick. Shocker, right? He’s Catholic, I’m a Jew, he disagrees with every single aspect of my existence.”  
“Oy vey.” she grumbled and he chuckled, carrying her in.  
“HEY!” She roared as she struggled out of his arms and into her chair.  
“Munch, you cannot carry her around.” Cragen looked exasperated.  
“She was going to turn the Brick back into clay if I didn’t.” John flopped into his seat, and tweaked his succulent fondly.  
“What the hell is Michael Brick doing in front of SVU?” Olivia groaned.  
“He got transferred to one of our disposables.” Elliot glanced up at Munch.  
Munch said so many bad words even Cragen looked surprised.  
“I guess we Jews just get to deal with antisemitism.”  
“No worries, you can only tell by the noses.” He dryly remarked. “We got a positive name off the body: it’s more than likely Valentina. She drove off with a guy called…”  
“David the Handsy. Big, white, vagina tattoo. Pretty distinctive.” Delilah fixed her sweater.  
“Delilah, I was just gonna ask you about that-” Cragen motioned for her to come to his office.  
“I worked as a hooker when I was young and poor.” She said, not getting up. “I maintained a rep, I kept a decent and clean practice, and I still have the cards I gave my clients. Besides, don’t you think I would make a good hooker?”  
“That you do, my friend.” John gave her his classic look and she smirked at him.  
Stabler cocked an eyebrow. “You’re not ashamed at all?”  
“No. I could have been a fast food worker or a hard laborer, but I chose to be a hooker. It kept food on my table and gave me valuable knowledge about myself. My friends also taught me incredible self defense...which I could have used on Johnny boy over here when he grabbed me, but I didn’t feel like having a limping partner.” She smiled sweetly.  
John gave her a look and she looked back at him. They seemed to have a fight with their eyes that John lost. He sat back in his chair with a sassy eyeroll.  
“So...what was it like?” Olivia asked, drinking her coffee.  
“Usually very pleasant. I found most men were just looking for company. Plenty wanted no sex, they just wanted attention or love. It was easy...not exactly difficult to pretend to be a man’s girlfriend for a night and get a free dinner.” Delilah said reminiscently. “I would do it again...I had to stop after almost getting murdered, though.”  
“How’d that happen?” Cragen asked.  
“Well, the official police report was that I was accidentally stabbed.” She laughed coldly. “I joined cop force so I would never happen again.”  
“How honorable.” John gave him her classic look and she scowled at him.  
“Funny in other cases.”  
“So you’re just an open book huh.” Benson took a sip of her drink and Delilah laughed.  
“No, just the parts everybody thinks are too much.” She said, the smile frozen on her face as she continued to work.  
It was creepy.


	3. I was falling for you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John Munch has never been one for female companions, and a new female partner arriving at SVU is no exception. Except, she's different. Witty, kind, and beautiful like a woodland elf, he can't help but start to fall for her. But he soon finds his not-so safe for work relationship with Fin is getting in the way...and when Fin starts falling for her too, there's no easy answer.  
> But nothing really ever goes Delilah Clem's way anyway.

They got off work at nine that night.  
“Well, the kids should be in bed, but my teenager just started an AP course...she might still be up doing homework.” Elliot yawned.  
“You’re married?” Delilah asked, buttoning her coat.  
“WIth three kids.” Elliot nodded. “It can be difficult working children’s rapes.”  
“You have guts.” She nodded. “Olivia, any plans?”  
“Do you count eating cold chicken and watching television as a plan?”  
“Sounds like a dream.” Delilah teased.  
“What about you, Munch?” Elliot and them arrived at the elevator.  
“Me and Clem are gonna grab a drink after work, just get to know each other.” John tried to fix his tie but Delilah scowled and did it for him like a fussy mother.  
“I’m sure.” Olivia poked Elliot who chuckled.  
“Lay off, it’s just a couple of beers. Well, soda for me, I don’t drink.”  
“If you don’t drink I can find a cafe in the area.” John buttoned his coat.  
“Up to you.” Delilah said.  
Cragen walked out to greet her. “Clem! For a sec?”  
“Sure, Cap!”  
“How’s everything?” He pulled her to the stairwell.  
“Great, me and John are going to grab dinner at a cafe, just to get to know each other better.”  
“Good, good...he hasn’t given you any trouble about the whole ex-prostitute thing?”  
“From what I can gather he’s very progressive....humanist, I would say. I don’t think he minds.”  
“If you’re sure. I’d be glad to have a chat with him.” Cragen always seemed to look worried.  
“No, Cap, I really can handle it. Trust me, he won’t be a lick of trouble.”  
“Okay…”  
“Captain.” She stood a little straighter. “I’m a very big girl, I can handle myself. I know taekwondo.”  
“Seriously?”  
“Black belt second Dan.” She smiled. “Really, sir, I’ll be fine.”  
“Well...alright. Be safe.”  
“I will.”  
John walked over and hung in the doorway.  
“Munch, I’m not threatening her, you can relax.” Cragen said a little snippily.  
“Well, I don’t know, you remind me of the Godfather sometimes.”  
Delilah chuckled and nodded, joining John.  
“Sorry, he just wanted to make sure my previous jobs wouldn’t be a problem with you.”  
“Prostitute? Nope, I got to see your boobs-”  
“John!”  
“Sorry, not funny. No, it’s alright, I don’t mind.”  
“Good, because I have a-”  
“Black belt in Taekwondo.”  
“Eavesdropper.” She smiled at him and he chuckled.  
“Alright, did you drive here?”  
“Biked.”  
“I can fit that in my backseat.” John walked out to his car and opened the back of it, letting her slide the red rider in the back.  
“Thanks, Munch.”  
“Yeah. Get in, it’s cold.”  
She laughed and slid inside, almost shivering. “Yes it is.”

They arrived at the tiny diner and she smiled. “How quaint.”  
“Well, it’s good.”  
“Quaint is fine.” She got out and they hustled in.  
“Ah, John Jew, welcome back.” The fat woman behind the counter said in a cigarette marred voice.  
“Hello Fat Anne, good to be back.” He rolled his eyes and picked a table.  
She looked over at Delilah. “You’re familiar.”  
“I’ve never met you, sorry...I have a very average face, maybe you’re thinking of someone else?”  
“Must be.”  
John rolled his eyes. “You do not have an average face.”  
“Careful John, that was almost a compliment.” Delilah took off her coat.  
“It was a compliment, you’re beautiful.”  
The way he said it, shortly, and as if he wanted it out of his mouth already, made her smile.  
“Thank you, John. You’re not so bad yourself.”  
“Whatever.”  
“Yeah, whatever, you big lug.” She smiled over the table at him and he chuckled.  
“Lug?”  
“I don’t know, that seems like a thing to say.”  
“One of my girlfriends used it as an insult.”  
Delilah’s smile fell and she softly apologized.  
“...don’t be sorry. I like it coming from you.”  
She grinned a bit and a skinny crackhead looking man walked up to their table, asking in a trembling voice:  
“Would you like something to drink?”  
She looked down at the menu and settled on a Sprite. John selected a Busch.  
“I’m from Saint Louis, y’know. They make the beer there.”  
He looked a little surprised. “Louie?”  
“It’s better than NYC for sure.”  
“How so?”  
She thought for a second and responded, “Greener. More trees.”  
“You like parks?”  
She nodded and leaned back in her chair. “I always have loved trees.”  
“Maybe next time I’ll take you to central park.”  
“Really!? I’ve never been.” She sat up and beamed at him.  
The skinny man set down his beer, then had a spasm and dumped her Sprite all over John.  
She gasped and pulled out a cloth towel from her purse, handing it to him.  
“Why do you have a towel in your purse?”  
“It rains a lot here, or am I wrong?”  
“That’s true, I suppose.” He took off his jacket and overshirt, stuck in his wifebeater.  
He wasn’t a muscular man, pale and flabby. SHe handed him her jacket and he nodded appreciatively.  
“I don’t really have the physique for a tank top, huh.” He grinned at her and she smiled.  
“Nah, I don’t mind.”  
“Oh? Do old men with flabby arms and bas dispositions excite you?”  
“I dunno if it’s the trauma, but I do like older men.”  
John chuckled. “I consider myself an older man.”  
“I’ll keep that in mind...you look nice in a girl’s jacket.”  
“Thanks.” He said dryly.  
“Sorry, just lightening your humor. Are you alright?”  
“Dry, which is better than I was a few minutes ago.”  
“I’m paying.”  
“No you’re not-”  
“Why?” She asked simply.  
“Because I-I want to? I don’t know, men always pay.”  
“On dates. Not meetings.” She said and looked down. “I still don’t have a drink.”  
“Beer?”  
“No.” She said and smiled. “I don’t drink.”  
“You’re one of those good Jews?”  
“I don’t eat scallops if that’s what you’re asking.”  
“I’m an ethnic Jew. Not religious. You?”  
“Both...sorta, I try my best but I slip.”  
“Every Jew does.” John grinned over the table at her.  
She smiled shyly, looking down at her hands folded in her lap. Delilah was hard to make nervous, but something about his dark eyes and cheeky smirk got under her skin. In a very good way.  
“How long have you worked SVU?” She asked after a second of silence.  
“Half a year.”  
“It’s hard isn’t it.” She said softly.  
“...once, I had to review a tape to ensure it was...y’know…”  
“Kiddie stuff.”  
He blew out some air, leaning back. “I still have nightmares about being forced to play piano.”  
“That sucks. I’m so sorry.”  
“Yeah, well, at least I’ve never been molested. It sounds...horrible.”  
Delilah tensed and looked at the ceiling. “I imagine it is.”  
“Well...I certainly made that exchange awkward.” John puffed out his cheeks and stared at the ugly tile on the ceiling.  
“No worries.”  
Her pager screamed at her hip and she leapt up, answering her phone.  
 _“So do you always have your phone off?” _  
“I’m so sorry Captain! I thought i had it on. I’ll be right over, I promise.”  
“I’ll come with.” John stood and fixed his (her) coat before giving it back to her.  
“John, you’ll be cold!”  
“I’m a Jew, I can handle the cold.”  
“I’m an extra Jew, so take the coat.”  
John rolled his eyes and took it, a little embarrassed to walk in with a woman’s coat and a tank top.__


	4. you look so perfect standing there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John Munch has never been one for female companions, and a new female partner arriving at SVU is no exception. Except, she's different. Witty, kind, and beautiful like a woodland elf, he can't help but start to fall for her. But he soon finds his not-so safe for work relationship with Fin is getting in the way...and when Fin starts falling for her too, there's no easy answer.  
> But nothing really ever goes Delilah Clem's way anyway.

“Munch, what are you wearing?” Stabler cracked a grin.  
“I spilled my drink on him like an idiot so now I have to smell like him.” Delilah said absently and Olivia made a noise like a strangled dolphin.  
“What did I get called in for again?” John said irritably.  
“You’re lucky you don’t have a coat, Delilah, because you need to go hookering again. We got a word on the guy.”  
Delilah nodded grimly.  
“You’ll be on your own, are you sure?” Elliot asked her.  
“No she won’t, I’ll be right there.” John said. “No way I’m letting a new partner get whacked, it would be bad for my track record.”  
“About that partner thing...you wouldn’t mind taking on Fin again? He’s outside with a car.”  
“Fin?” John swallowed and nodded, his stomach jumping up to his throat.  
“You don’t mind, do you John?” Olivia teased.  
Everybody in the squad knew John had a massive crush on Fin-his feelings for people were insanely obvious. It was obvious when they worked together and now that John and him were seperate...it was distinct.  
“I don’t mind a new partner! I make friends easy!” Delilah stripped off her shirt without a thought, then her jeans.  
She had on tights, thankfully. Lacy black underwear that looked insanely comfortable. Elliot blushed and looked at his hands, Olivia unabashedly staring with an open mouthed gasp. Delilah walked towards the door.  
Cragen looked like a tomato. “Clem.”  
“Yo?” She turned.  
“Please, no stripping in the office.”  
John had his eyes firmly glued to her butt.  
“And Munch, keep your head in the game.”  
“No promises.” John followed her out.  
Fin covered his face when she walked up. “Hookers are getting goddamn bold.”  
“Detective Clem, nice to meet you. I’m going undercover.”  
“Fin Tutuola.” he uncovered his face. “John’s new partner?”  
“Yep, great first day too.” John stood behind her.  
“I imagine.” Fin joined John in the front.  
“Hey, after this, are we hangin out at your place or mine?” Fin asked nonchalantly.  
“Mine should be fine.”  
That was code for: are we having sex tonight or tomorrow?  
“Ooh, somebody’s got friends. Who’s my pimp for the evening.”  
“Me.” They both said at once and she giggled.  
“I’ll take John. He’s really intimidating.”  
“Me? Over Fin? You’re kidding.”  
She chuckled. “I would rather tangle with Fin than you.”  
“I’m a scary Jew.” Munch teased and she laughed.  
“Yessir.” She stepped out of the car.  
John joined her with the women (a separate brunch than before) and smirked.  
“You sure you wanna hang streets babe? My house is much more comfy…”  
It was uncanny how well he did that.  
“Look, daddy, I know you got the place with them girls, but they freaks.” Delilah tossed her hair and gave him the once over. “You already get my 20%, you want more?”  
“Damn straight. Look, babydoll, i need a light. I’m gonna run up to that liquor store. You ladies want anything?”  
The other three women looked over him and each asked for a bag of chips.  
“Get me somethin spicy daddy.” Delilah kissed him on the sheek and he walked off, bright pink.  
Fin was laughing so hard as he listened to John’s mic that they picked it up at SVU.  
“Tutuola, shut up, I can’t hear John.”  
“Yeah, sour cream and onion, salt and vinegar, barbeque. Hot fries too. Oh, throw in a pack of Marlboros. Yeah, yeah, you old Jew, I’m paying in cash. Calm down Cragen, remember my nose.”  
“You miked Johnny?” The shopkeep asked, handing him the bag.  
“Bad rape case. New partner alone. Gotta fly.”  
He stepped back out just in time to see the guy pull up. John hustled down and cued them in.  
“Hey! Buddy, buddy, my girls haven’t gotten their snack yet.”  
“Your girls?”  
“I mean, my new friends. Sorry, ladies, force of habit.” John handed them their bags while the man stared down Delilah.  
“Can I help you, sugar plum?”  
“What do you cost?”  
“She costs fifty an hour.” John said.  
The guy scowled but handed him a sole fifty.  
“Bring her back or you’ll be dead by sunrise.”  
The man smirked and nodded at her. “Lets go, sugar.”  
John hung out with the women before pulling out his badge and saying, “My name is Detective John Munch of SVU, and we think that man killed Valentina.”  
The girls gasped in a panic.  
“I’m not arresting you, we’re not Vice.” He grumbled irritably. “We’re stinging. None of your names will be involved unless they need to be.”  
The women freaked a little but stayed relatively calm.  
John sighed and rubbed his eyes.  
“Now it’s just time to make sure my new partner doesn’t get herself whacked.”


	5. I can feel the draw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John Munch has never been one for female companions, and a new female partner arriving at SVU is no exception. Except, she's different. Witty, kind, and beautiful like a woodland elf, he can't help but start to fall for her. But he soon finds his not-so safe for work relationship with Fin is getting in the way...and when Fin starts falling for her too, there's no easy answer.  
> But nothing really ever goes Delilah Clem's way anyway.

(RAPE WARNING!!)

John sat in the car by Fin, chewing his nails nervously. A billion thoughts of what could happen to her raced in his head...he was glad he had a bit of beer in his stomach, or he would probably be reeling in anxiety.  
“Calm down John, your partner’s gonna be okay.” Fin set a hand on his shoulder. “I barely know her and I can tell she’s a tough cookie.”  
“I just...what if we don’t get to her in time?”  
“You’re worried she’s gonna get molested.” Fin started the car.  
“Oh dear God, let me drive. If you drive I’ll vomit.” He was a snarky jerk, sure, but the anger and coldness in his voice shocked Fin.  
Fin looked over at him. “Are you okay?”  
“...did you ever read th lab report on the hooker we found?”  
“Nah, busy. What happened?”  
“Internal anal and vaginal abrasion. We think the prostitute was doing her job when he suddenly switched holes. SHe obviously got upset and started crying...the cause of death was bleeding from the rectum. He raped her until she died.”  
Fin sat in silence for a moment and got out. “Drive.”  
John blinked.  
“Drive.”  
He scooted over and put the car in drive before Fin had buckled.  
“Cragen, let us hear her mic.” John said suddenly, driving a dozen miles over the speed limit.  
There was silence for a moment, when Delilah cheerfully said,  
“How are you?”  
The perp sounded surprised. “Um...alright, I guess.”  
“Good, good. It’s been getting colder lately. You’re a big guy, you must work construction?”  
“Um...yes.”  
“I knew it! What company?”  
“Han Sui’s contractors. Pretty small biz.”  
“Is it fun?”  
“Long hours, crap pay. I hate Chinese.”  
“Chinese men always stint my pay...one even gave me a fortune cookie. True story.”  
John laughed a little. Her voice being so calm and secure made him feel a little better. She was a big girl.  
“Yeah...hey, you don’t mind goin by the water? Pretty secluded, and all…”  
“Seclusion sounds great...warehouse district? Number seven is always empty.”  
“Sure.”  
Fin smirked. “That babe has brains.”  
“Gave us a direct location without a hint of tipoff.” Cragen said in awe.  
John pulled in to the reverse side of the warehouse.  
He saw her and him leave the car, her clinging to him like he was her lover. John could tell the prick David was eating it up.  
The pair hustled in just in time for silent and unmarked cars pulled up.  
John listened more intently.  
“It’s warmer in here-ow!”  
A slamming sound echoed in their ear.  
“Jeez, dude, you could hav just told me to bend over-hey, careful with the panties! Those were expensive.”  
Not a hint of the roiling fear she felt in her gut was evident in her voice. She could have thrown up but her voice stayed neutral.  
Fin was biting his lip fiercely, something John knew he only did when he was anxious.  
He took Fin’s hand and covered their mics for a second, kissing his ex partner’s cheek. Fin sighed and relaxed a little in spite of himself.  
They could hear him grunt and Delilah made a little embarrassed noise.  
“That was penetration.” Cragen said over the com.  
“Duh.” John grumbled back.  
For a moment, nothing but grunts and a soft squeak from her echoed in their ears.  
“You...you seem nice…” David’s voice, strained, emerged from the silence.  
“I-mph-try, yeah…” Delilah was clearly trying to keep cool.  
“Why a whore?”  
“M-money, mostly...my, my uh, my dad abandoned me...young, oh god…”  
“Sorry about this.”  
John quickly took out his earpiece just in time for an agonized scream to reverb out of it. He opened his door and next thing he knew, he was looking at the contents of his guts.  
“OH GOD PLEASE STOP!”  
Fin drew his gun and ran in before he could even register himself. A dozen cops were behind him, pouncing on David.  
Delilah was left bleeding and shaking on a tool table. Fin quickly yanked her underwear up and carried her to the car, where John was still dry heaving.  
She was crying hard, harder than she had in a while.  
John looked up at her, taking her from his arms and sitting in the back of his car with her. She leaned on him and sobbed.  
Munch wrapped his coat around her, beginning to cry himself. It was the most horrible thing he’d ever heard, and he’d never met a rape vic so soon after the inital attack.  
Fin shut the doors and started the car. He put in a cassette of violin pieces he kept in the car when the world got dark, and the medics scooped Delilah up and began to take care of her.  
John and Fin sat in silence for about half an hour, listening to the music.  
Delilah knocked on the window and they both screamed. She almost collapsed in laughter. John opened the back door and she awkwardly sat down.  
She took a deep breath and said, “That guy was a pain in the ass.”  
They whipped their heads around and stared at her, agape.  
She laughed and gave Fin a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for the save.”  
And kissed John’s cheek as well. “Thanks for the coat and hug.”  
In a second, a hundreds words came tumbling out of John’s mouth.  
“I am so sorry we let that happen oh god are you okay are you hungry can i hug you do you want to nap im so sorry I’m a terrible partner oh jesus and mary and Joseph-”  
She cut him off with a massive hug. “I’m okay.”  
Fin and Munch let go of the breath neither one of them had realized they were holding.  
“Do you have a clue how worriedI was about you?” John murmured and hugged her tightly.  
“Yeah, the vomit tells me a lot.” She laughed a little and relaxed.  
“Hey, I gotta drive to get you food, so buckle up.”  
Delilah perked up. “Food?”  
“Yeah, what do you want?”  
“CHicken wings or strips.”  
“Hey, let’s hang at my house and eat together. I think we could all use a break.” John suggested.  
“Great idea!”  
Cragen’s voice echoed in Fin’s ear. “Sorry, you need to bring her in for questioning.”  
He scoffed. “Come on. It’s not even been an hour. Let her rest.”  
“...you guys have until midnight to bring her back.”  
She buckled up and John clung to her hand like if he let go, she would bolt.  
Fin drove back to his house and called in an order, John helping her up the stairs. He treated her like she was made of glass.  
In all his years of SVU, he had never really understood the impact a rape had on a close friend or husband of the vic. And now, as he helped her sit on his couch after haphazardly clearing the books off…  
He felt almost dead.


	6. lo vas a olvidar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John Munch has never been one for female companions, and a new female partner arriving at SVU is no exception. Except, she's different. Witty, kind, and beautiful like a woodland elf, he can't help but start to fall for her. But he soon finds his not-so safe for work relationship with Fin is getting in the way...and when Fin starts falling for her too, there's no easy answer.  
> But nothing really ever goes Delilah Clem's way anyway.

John Munch had never been one for a cleanliness but God, he lived in a sty. Books, papers, files, all strewn about. Food trash littered the kitchen, the trash can overflowing with paper plates...the smell was actually pleasant because of the three dozen scented candles. He shoved everything off the couch at once, frantically hiding the lewd magazines under the cushions. Fin laughed at his desperate attempt.  
Delilah sat down without thinking and yowled, shooting up.  
John and Fin grabbed her, and she laughed.  
“Yknow, for a lady that’s supposed to be so smart…”  
“I have a pillow from when I was shot in the ass. It should work for you.”  
“Thanks...this is dumb, but do you have any menstrual pads? I imagine my butthole is gonna be bleeding for a while.” She smiled sheepishly.  
John nodded and walked into his bathroom, opening the cabinet and pulling out the three year old pads he had stashed in there.   
“I hope these work.”  
“Thanks.” She darted into the bathroom while John went hunting for his pillow.  
“I am pretty sure I kept it in my office.”  
Fin rolled his eyes and helped him look. “Man, you are one gross prick...how do you keep yourself straight?”  
“...I don’t.”  
Fin snorted and John yanked a pillow out of a drawer. “Found it!”  
Delilah came back out, smiling sheepishly. “Thanks.”  
“Don’t mention it.” He helped her carefully sit down and she smiled up at him.  
“Jeez, are you sure you’re okay?”  
“Oh please, not the first time a guy has switched holes on me.” She relaxed. “He was bigger than them, and it’s been a long time, so I’m bleeding a lot. I’m really okay.”  
Fin crossed his arms. “Hell of a first day with someone.”  
“You got to see my butt.” She joked and John couldn’t bring himself to laugh.  
Fin pursed his lips and sat on the loveseat, kicking up his feet. “Let’s watch tv or something.”  
“Sorry, not allowed until Sunday.” Delilah leaned back in her chair. “My temple uses sunday as the day of sin.”  
“Televison is not sin.” John said almost irritably.  
“False idol.” She closed her eyes. “You have a piano in the back room. Anything I can play that won’t upset you?”  
John snorted but said, “...my mom used to play Danny Boy.”  
“Yeah?”  
“She lives in Kansas, where I was born.” John looked over at her. “Can you?”  
She stood and grabbed her pillow. “Sure can.”  
They traveled with her and she hummed out the tune, finding the keys. John was oblivious to the skill that took, but not Fin-he loved music and knew full well she had to have perfect pitch for that.  
She began to slowly play, John leaning on the wall and listening with his eyes closed.  
“Can you sing?” Fin asked quietly.  
“Not well.” Delilah admitted.   
“Try.” John said quietly, still with his eyes closed.  
“...I’m not comfortable singing around people I don’t know well.”  
Fin nodded and John popped an eye open.   
“Don’t know well?”  
“I met you this morning.”  
John laughed. “I suppose you did. Feels like longer.”  
“Not one of the better days of my life.” She began to play Gangsta’s PAradise with a chuckle.  
Fin snorted and sang the lyrics under his breath. “As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…”  
Delilah played with more intensity until the doorbell rang, and she sprang up. John looked really uncomfortable sitting on the couch and half eating a slice of pepperoni pizza. Fin and her, however, were chatting amicably about their lives before SVU.  
“Yeah, Narcotics. Rough job.” He finished a chicken wing and she smiled.  
“I worked Civil DIsturbance. Lot of prick fathers beating their sons and daughters senseless.”  
John choked and went white. He was very quiet for a second..  
“What if...what if the kid was being a bastard?”  
She gave him a bit of a horrified look. “You could call your father a prick and tell him you hate his guts and he should still never lay a hand on you.”  
John nodded and set down his pizza.  
“You okay?” Fin asked, raising an eyebrow.  
“Anybody wanna do a trauma circle?” John joked halfheartedly.  
Delilah shrugged. “I can, if you guys are okay with it.”  
“NO!” John snapped and they both recoiled.  
“Alright, jeez.” She grumbled and looked down at her nugget.   
“Why civil?”  
“My dad was abusive, and my mom screamed at me constantly.” She took a drink of her water and sighed. “I spoil my daughter because of it.”  
John looked up. “Daughter?”  
She smiled and pulled out her wallet. There she was.  
“Aw, what’s her name?” FIn smiled sweetly at the photo.  
“Nazarene. My miracle.”  
John snorted. “A Jew naming her daughter after the land of Christ?”  
“Nazareth was where Christ was raised. He was a miracle conception.”  
“You look insanely young for your age.” Fin said and licked sauce off his fingers.  
“Tutuola, that’s gross.” John teased.  
Fin flipped him off.   
Delilah watched this exchange and then asked, “How old you you think I am?”  
“Mid forties, early fifties, judging by the kid’s age.” John ate a pepperoni. “Yu look twenty five.”  
Delilah snorted in amusement. “Off by five years.”  
Fin choked and his jaw dropped. “You’re THIRTY?”  
“And my daughter turns fifteen in a month.” She said cheerily.  
“Promiscuous teen?”  
She looked at him with a calculating expression. “Sure.”  
“Who’s the dad?” Fin dipped a wing in ranch.  
“She doesn’t know and never will. For all she knows she appeared out of my womb like a butterfly in a cocoon.”  
“But you do.”   
Her expression hardened. “I will never forget him. But he’s dead, so no worries.”  
Fin duked a wing and flipped the ranch all over the couch.   
“Aww, FIN!” JOhn grumbled and wiped it up. “This couch isn’t old enough tobe stained!”  
“This house is a dump.” Fin grumbled.  
“It’s my dump.”  
Delilah laughed and finished her food. “I’m ready to go when you are.”  
John sighed. “Aw jeez, I forgot about that...are you sure you’re gonna be-”  
“Shut the hell up.” She smacked his arm. “I will be so fine. I will be happy. In fact I’m gonna SING.”  
John finished his slice and put the box in his fridge, leaving them to stare at Fin-who was still chomping on hot wings like he had no bottom to his stomach.


	7. and I don't want the world to see me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John Munch has never been one for female companions, and a new female partner arriving at SVU is no exception. Except, she's different. Witty, kind, and beautiful like a woodland elf, he can't help but start to fall for her. But he soon finds his not-so safe for work relationship with Fin is getting in the way...and when Fin starts falling for her too, there's no easy answer.  
> But nothing really ever goes Delilah Clem's way anyway.

The trio stepped into the office and poor Delilah was suddenly bombarded with Olivia giving her massive hugs and dozens of chocolate.  
“Woah-Benson, jesus-”  
“That was so brave of you to do, you saved so many lives today, I hope this doesn’t make you leave Special Vic you’re so sweet-”  
“Olivia!” She hugged her back and took one of the chocolates. “I’m okay. Not my first hole switch rodeo.”  
Stabler shuddered while John snorted.   
“Clem.” Cragen looked her in the eye and saluted her firmly.  
She gaped at him in shock before sheepishly saluting back with a coy smile.  
“I am amazed at you. Not only did you successfully give us a charge to file against, you gave us a direct location and incriminating evidence, such as his place of work.” He shook her hand. “We needed someone like you.”  
“Don’t worry Capo! I’m here to stay.” She smiled at him widely.   
“We can’t expect you to stay after what happened.” Elliot said quietly.  
“Why not? I’m a toughie!” She beamed and dusted off her shirt. “Do I get to pick the prick out of a lineup?”  
“Yes.” John took her arm and led her back gently, watching her brave facade crumble the closer she got to him.  
“Hey, Delilah.” He murmured lowly. “If you need out just squeeze my hand.”  
“Got it.” she said, her voice trembling.  
He took her into the room and she sniffled a little. She looked over the lineup, and suddenly viced his hand at number four-it was him.  
“Four…” Sge tried to keep her voice steady, and failed miserably. “Can I go now?”  
John took her out of the room, his heart swelling in pity.   
She went to sit at her desk and John stopped her, leading her to the lounge. He set down the pillow and quietly made her one of the teas in her desk while she got comfortable on the couch.   
He handed her the drink and pulled a blanket from under the cushion, dusting it off and wrapping it around her. John sat down by her.  
She sipped her tea quietly. “I...it doesn’t really bother me, what happened.”  
“You don’t have to lie to me.” John murmured.  
Fin stopped and listened outside the door, rubbing his eyes.  
“I’m not. I’m upset because he did that to Valentina...she was in so much pain and so afraid when she died. I want to die peacefully and asleep in a bed with someone I love…”  
John smiled at her. “You have a damn big heart.”  
“Yeah, I’m a people pleaser and I hate it.” She grumbled. “I’m also a pushover and I am annoying.”  
“You’re a good mother.” John said softly.  
“How do you know?” She looked up at him.   
“Good guess?”  
“...Fin has a kid, doesn’t he.”  
John looked at her in shock. Fin, who was standing outside, felt like he had gotten smacked hard. How could she tell? He reeled and had to steady himself.  
“Um...yeah...how did you?”  
“The regretful father’s gaze.” She looked at the ceiling. “Wasn’t around, hit his kid, drunk, I don’t know. When he looked at my Nazarene I could see it.”  
“Damn.” John exhaled. “You nailed it.”  
“I do happen to be a detective.” She smiled at him and wiped her eyes. “I like Fin. He’s soulful. He has a big heart to him, like a giant lioness.”  
“I agree. He’s a good man.” John said honestly.  
“He has nice hair. B2 curls...common among biracial men in Louisiana.”  
“Why in the hell do you know that?”  
“I get bored and stare at people.” She shrugged. “And I research human genetics.”  
“Oh yeah?”  
Fin knocked and came in. “Del.”  
“Yes?”  
“You good?”  
“I have tea.” She smiled at him.  
“Yeah?” He sat down by her. “Anyone ever told you how damn nosey you are?”  
“Anyone ever tell you eavesdropping is rude?”  
“A little less rude than speculating about my child status.” fin said, a little irritated.  
She shrugged and said nothing. John looked between them and said quietly,   
“He is right.”  
“I know. It’s not my place to speculate.” She said. “I am sorry I didn’t respect your privacy.”  
Fin nodded in satisfaction. “Now that you’ve picked the prick, you need to give a statement.”  
“Easy peasy.”


	8. if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John Munch has never been one for female companions, and a new female partner arriving at SVU is no exception. Except, she's different. Witty, kind, and beautiful like a woodland elf, he can't help but start to fall for her. But he soon finds his not-so safe for work relationship with Fin is getting in the way...and when Fin starts falling for her too, there's no easy answer.  
> But nothing really ever goes Delilah Clem's way anyway.

  
The court trial was set up the next day. Very quick. The news had heard the word about a brave soul being raped in the name of justice and painted her as a hero-though, walking up the steps to face him, she didn’t feel that way. She felt gross, she felt ashamed, and she felt like she just wanted to go _home._

John was the first witness. He got to look David in the eye and felt nothing but intense hate.

“Detective Munch, you have known your partner for how many days?” The defender asked, pacing slightly.

None of them could remember his name, for god’s sake. He was bland, and white, and pudgy, and sleazy-just like every NYC cheap lawyer.

“A total of around twelve hours.” John said.

“And how would you describe her?”   
“Um...let me think. Very sweet and kindhearted, a lot of empathy. Tough, though, and very strong. Physically as well as emotionally. Total pushover though, and a yammerer.”

“Detective, from your experience, would you think she had any sort of...mental illness?”   
“Objection! Detective Munch has no grounds to diagnose or speculate on mental illness.” DA Alex Cabot called.

“Technically incorrect, as I do have a psychology degree.” John replied and looked at the defender. “I believe she shows signs of C-PTSD, a type of PTSD that comes from long term trauma. Such as child abuse.”   
“Would this alter her mental state or decision making?”   
“Yes, it should have prevented her from walking into a room with someone she knew was a murdering molesting _scumbag_ , but because of her aforementioned mental strength, she was able to do so.”   
The defendant pursed his lips. “No further questions.”   
Alex stood and called Fin to the stand.    
“You were the first to see her after the rape.”    
Fin shuddered. “It was the most horrible thing.”   
“She was bleeding profusely, according to reports.”   
Fin nodded. “It was like looking at a miscarriage. She was so bloody when I pulled up her underwear.”   
“Why did you do that?”   
“To save her some shame, I suppose. I would have wanted the same done to me if I had been violated like that.” Fin shrugged. 

Alex nodded. “How did she seem?”   
“Upset. She was crying, and seemed ashamed to look at anyone. Classic rape victim behavior.”   
“Did you, as rumors have told,  _ hear _ the rape take place?”   
Fin went really quiet. “...she screamed. I’ve heard murders take place-but this...this was worse. It was a horrible noise. My partner threw up.”   
“Can the partner confirm this?” Alex looked at John, sitting by Delilah, who nodded.

“Thank you, detective Munch. Detective Fin, one final question.”   
“Name it.”   
“She was alone with you and Detective Munch for around an hour at his apartment. What happened there?”   
Fin sighed in irritance. “I bought her chicken nuggets to make her feel better.”   
A little laughter rang softly in the room.

The Judge glared out over the crowd.

“No further questions your honor.”   
Defense stood again. “I would like to question John Munch about the events.”   
“It’s Detective Munch.” John said crossly and stood. “I worked for that title for twenty years.”   
“Well, then use that twenty years experience to describe what happened.”    
John sat in Fin’s chair, who was asked to sit by Alex. Delilah had been placed in the back, where she wouldn’t have to see the man unless it was needed.

“We were given a Sting to do. Detective Clem picked me to be her faux pimp, while we had mics.”   
“You? Over who?” The defense seemed amused.

John leaned forward with pure _malice_ in his eyes. “Is something funny?”   
Defense swallowed. “No. Continue.”   
“Me and her walked to the street corner. I bought the hookers some chips because it was a cold night and I pitied them. I had a conversation with the shopkeep.”   
“Did Detective Clem kiss your cheek?”   
“Uh...yeah?”   
“Was this consensual?”   
John snorted and said with a smirk, “Detective Clem is a wonderful individual, and shall always have my consent if she ever feels up for a smooch.”   
DA Cabot rolled her eyes. “Objection, please keep it relevant Detective.”

“Will do.”   
“Continue, Munch.”   
John bristled again. “Detective Munch.”   
“Apologies.”   
“Anyway. Yes. He came when I was getting food, he gave me fifty dollars for one hour with her. I told the suspect to be back in one hour.”   
“Or you would kill him.”   
“I was acting as a pimp. What do you think pimps say?” John crossed his arms. “‘ _ Oh yeah my dear, just go and murder her, okie dokie’ _ ? Whatever. He took her in the van and I got in the car with my ex-partner.”   
“Odafin Tutuola.”   
“Yeah. Everyone calls him Fin. I drove, even though it was his car. When I got out to throw up, he took my spot.”   
“On the way there, you listened to her have a conversation with my client.”   
“Yes, she was very calm and cordial.”   
“Did she give any hint at possibly being an officer?””   
“No. However, she successfully obtained a place of work and secured a location for the arrest.” John crossed his arms. “And managed to make Fin laugh, which is a feat.”   
“...I’m curious.”   
“I don’t know if this is true, but she told a story about being paid for her services in fortune cookies.”   
Alex cleared her throat and said, “Detective Clem has confirmed that story to be accurate.”

“Coochie for a cookie, sounds fair.” John replied, causing both lawyers to  _ SCREAM  _ an objection.

The judge shook her head but sustained. “Detective.”   
“Hey, I have an economics degree. Economics, psychology, criminology, and social sciences.” He shrugged. “Technically I am qualified to speak on the subject.”   
“John, for God’s sake.” Alex said in exasperation.

“Alright, alright. Jeez. Any further questions?”   
“Yes. During the hour you were alone with Detective Clem, did you at all counsel her at all, which is the standard procedure in these instances?”   
John got quiet. “...no. We just ate.”   
“So...no advice, no therapist recommendations…”   
“She said she’d had this happen before, I just thought-”   
“So that made her trauma okay?” Defense had him.

John scoffed. “She could handle herself-”   
“Was that a clinical or personal evaluation?”   
“Personal!”   
“Then you proceeded to make a personal judgement about a rape victims well being because she said she’d been raped before?”   
John scowled and said icily, “When someone like that tells me they can handle themselves, I believe them. That woman has more bravery in one bone in her body than I will  _ ever  _ do, so yeah, maybe I believed she would be okay without a therapist telling her what she already knew.”   
“And what would be what she already knew?”   
John slammed down his hand.  _ “That being raped is a horrible and violent thing, she won’t ever fully be the same, and there’s not a goddamn thing she can do!” _ _   
_ “Detective, please calm down.” The judge said quietly and John growled lowly.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

“No further questions.”

John sulked back to his seat by Delilah, who smiled and said, “I didn’t ever expect counseling.”   
“I still should have mentioned a therapist.” He grumbled. 

She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. “I already have one.”

“You should get a cat.”   
“I already have one. He’s named Samson.”   
“Samson?”   
“Delilah’s cat Samson.” She smiled up at him. “Cute, huh?”   
“Yeah.”

“Quit pouting.”   
“Make me.”   
She rolled her eyes and poked his side. “Jesus, you’re skinny.”   
“Hardly.”   
“Dude I can play your ribs like a xylophone.”   
She counted each one, mumbling the according notes.

“You have a 2 octave range.”

“Thank you.” John said dryly.    
A recess was called and Alex grabbed Del in the hallway.

“You have to testify.”

The color drained from her face and she looked desperately at John. He shook his head and shrugged. 

“If she says you do, I...I would like to help. I can’t.”   
Delilah sighed and straightened. “When?”   
“Tomorrow.”

The detective looked around the court hall, examining everything. John could see past her facade of constant joy and preppiness (that he was beginning to find almost irritating) and saw anger.   
“Shit.” She said with passion.   
“Come on. Drinks.”   
“I think Yahweh will excuse my need for a Manhattan.” Delilah grumbled and walked out to the car.    
“Cop bar time.”


	9. it only matters if we care now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John Munch has never been one for female companions, and a new female partner arriving at SVU is no exception. Except, she's different. Witty, kind, and beautiful like a woodland elf, he can't help but start to fall for her. But he soon finds his not-so safe for work relationship with Fin is getting in the way...and when Fin starts falling for her too, there's no easy answer.  
> But nothing really ever goes Delilah Clem's way anyway

The court trial was set up the next day. Very quick. The news had heard the word about a brave soul being raped in the name of justice and painted her as a hero-though, walking up the steps to face him, she didn’t feel that way.

John was the first witness.

“Detective Munch, you have known your partner for how many days?” The defender asked, pacing slightly.

None of them could remember his name, for god’s sake. He was bland, and white, and pudgy, and sleazy-just like every NYC cheap lawyer.

“A total of around twelve hours.” John said.

“And how would you describe her?”   
“Um...let me think. Very sweet and kindhearted, a lot of empathy. Tough, though, and very strong. Physically as well as emotionally. Total pushover though, and a yammerer.”

“Detective, from your experience, would you think she had any sort of...mental illness?”   
“Objection! Detective Munch has no grounds to diagnose or speculate on mental illness.” DA Alex Cabot called.

“Technically incorrect, as I do have a psychology degree.” John replied and looked at the defender. “I believe she shows signs of C-PTSD, a type of PTSD that comes from long term trauma. Such as child abuse.”   
“Would this alter her mental state or decision making?”   
“Yes, it should have prevented her from walking into a room with someone she knew was a murdering molesting scumbag, but because of her aforementioned mental strength, she was able to do so.”   
The defendant pursed his lips. “No further questions.”   
Alex stood and called Fin to the stand.    
“You were the first to see her after the rape.”    
Fin shuddered. “It was the most horrible thing.”   
“She was bleeding profusely, according to reports.”   
Fin nodded. “It was like looking at a miscarriage. She was so bloody I couldn’t even make out the details of her genitals when I pulled up her underwear.”   
“Why did you do that?”   
“To save her some shame, I suppose. I would have wanted the same done to me if I had been violated like that.” Fin shrugged. 

Alex nodded. “How did she seem?”   
“Upset. She was crying, and seemed ashamed to look at anyone. Classic rape victim behavior.”   
“Did you, as rumors have told,  _ hear _ the rape take place?”   
Fin went really quiet. “...she screamed. I’ve heard murders take place-but this...this was worse. It was a horrible noise. My partner threw up.”   
“Can the partner confirm this?” Alex looked at John, sitting by Delilah, who nodded.

“Thank you, detective Munch. Detective Fin, one final question.”   
“Name it.”   
“She was alone with you and Detective Munch for around an hour at his apartment. What happened there?”   
Fin sighed in irritancy. “I bought her chicken nuggets to make her feel better.”   
A little laughter rang softly in the room.

The Judge glared out over the crowd.

“No further questions your honor.”   
Defense stood again. “I would like to question John Munch about the events.”   
“It’s Detective Munch.” John said crossly and stood. “I worked for that title for twenty years.”   
“Well, then use that twenty years experience to describe what happened.”    
John sat in Fin’s chair, who was asked to sit by Alex. Delilah had been placed in the back, where she wouldn’t have to see the man unless it was needed.

“We were given a Sting to do. Detective Clem picked me to be her faux pimp, while we had mics.”   
“You? Over who?” The defense seemed amused.

John leaned forward with pure malice in his eyes. “Is something funny?”   
Defense swallowed. “No. Continue.”   
“Me and her walked to the street corner. I bought the hookers some chips because it was a cold night and I pitied them. I had a conversation with the shopkeep.”   
“Did Detective Clem kiss your cheek?”   
“Uh...yeah?”   
“Was this consensual?”   
John snorted and said with a smirk, “Detective Clem is a wonderful individual, and shall always have my consent if she ever feels up for a smooch.”   
DA Cabot rolled her eyes. “Objection, please keep it relevant Detective.”

“Will do.”   
“Continue, Munch.”   
John bristled again. “Detective Munch.”   
“Apologies.”   
“Anyway. Yes. He came when I was getting food, he gave me fifty dollars for one hour with her. I told the suspect to be back in one hour.”   
“Or you would kill him.”   
“I was acting as a pimp. What do you think pimps say?” John crossed his arms. “‘ _ Oh yeah my dear, just go and murder her, okie dokie’ _ ? Whatever. He took her in the van and I got in the car with my ex-partner.”   
“Odafin Tutuola.”   
“Yeah. Everyone calls him Fin. I drove, even though it was his car. When I got out to throw up, he took my spot.”   
“On the way there, you listened to her have a conversation with my client.”   
“Yes, she was very calm and cordial.”   
“Did she give any hint at possibly being an officer?””   
“No. However, she successfully obtained a place of work and secured a location for the arrest.” John crossed his arms. “And managed to make Fin laugh, which is a feat.”   
“...I’m curious.”   
“I don’t know if this is true, but she told a story about being paid for her services in fortune cookies.”   
Alex cleared her throat and said, “Detective Clem has confirmed that story to be accurate.”

“Coochie for a cookie, sounds fair.” John replied, causing both lawyers to  _ HOWL  _ an objection.

The judge shook her head but sustained. “Detective.”   
“Hey, I have an economics degree. Economics, psychology, criminology, and social sciences.” He shrugged. “Technically I am qualified to speak on the subject.”   
“John, for God’s sake.” Alex said in exasperation.

“Alright, alright. Jeez. Any further questions?”   
“Yes. During the hour you were alone with Detective Clem, did you at all counsel her at all, which is the standard procedure in these instances?”   
John got quiet. “...no. We just ate.”   
“So...no advice, no therapist recommendations…”   
“She said she’d had this happen before, I just thought-”   
“So that made her trauma okay?” Defense had him.

John scoffed. “She could handle herself-”   
“Was that a clinical or personal evaluation?”   
“Personal!”   
“Then you proceeded to make a personal judgement about a rape victims well being because she said she’d been raped before?”   
John scowled and said icily, “When someone like that tells me they can handle themselves, I believe them. That woman has more bravery in one bone in her body than I will  _ ever  _ do, so yeah, maybe I believed she would be okay without a therapist telling her what she already knew.”   
“And what would be what she already knew?”   
John slammed down his hand.  _ “That being raped is a horrible and violent thing, she won’t ever fully be the same, and there’s not a goddamn thing she can do!” _ _   
_ “Detective, please calm down.” The judge said quietly and John growled lowly.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

“No further questions.”

John sulked back to his seat by Delilah, who smiled and said, “I didn’t ever expect counseling.”   
“I still should have mentioned a therapist.” He grumbled. 

She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. “I already have one.”

“You should get a cat.”   
“I already have one. He’s named Samson.”   
“Samson?”   
“Delilah’s cat Samson.” She smiled up at him. “Cute, huh?”   
“Yeah.”

“Quit pouting.”   
“Make me.”   
She rolled her eyes and poked his side. “Jesus, you’re skinny.”   
“Hardly.”   
“Dude I can play your ribs like a xylophone.”   
She counted each one, mumbling the according notes.

“You have a 2 octave range.”

“Thank you.” John said dryly.    
A recess was called and Alex grabbed Del in the hallway.

“You have to testify.”

The color drained from her face and she looked desperately at John. He shook his head and shrugged. 

“If she says you do, I...I would like to help. I can’t.”   
Delilah sighed and straightened. “When?”   
“Tomorrow.”

The detective looked around the court hall, examining everything. John could see past her façade of constant joy and peppiness (that he was beginning to find almost irritating) and saw anger.   
“ _Shit_.” She said, with passion.   
“Come on. Drinks.”   
“I think Yahweh will excuse my need for a Manhattan.” Delilah grumbled and walked out to the car.    
“Cop bar time.”

  
  
John sat in the broken red cushion in the back and Delilah squeezed in beside him. She barely fit-it’s not that she was fat, she was just...big. Big hips, wide shoulders, thick thighs. Though she did have cushioning on her-you couldn't call her skinny.

She sighed, and sat across from him instead. “Well?”   
“Well what?”

“What’s good to drink?”   
“Beer.”   
“I despise beer.”   
John sighed and rubbed his face. He just wanted to get wasted and go home. She was frankly bumming him out, staring at her hands and twiddling her thumbs.   
“I...I’m gonna go back to work. I’m kinda a vibekiller.”   
John snorted. “Be safe. I’ll see you soon.”

“Peace out.” 

Out of some ungodly habit, he held up the peace fingers and shook his wrist. She gaped at him and said quietly,

“You were a hippie.”   
“Ugh...yeah…” He covered his face and she smiled.

“Thanks.”

“For what?”   
“Making me smile.” She threw a peace over her shoulder and he chuckled.

They were both still hippies at heart.


	10. all alone I watch you watch her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John Munch has never been one for female companions, and a new female partner arriving at SVU is no exception. Except, she's different. Witty, kind, and beautiful like a woodland elf, he can't help but start to fall for her. But he soon finds his not-so safe for work relationship with Fin is getting in the way...and when Fin starts falling for her too, there's no easy answer.  
> But nothing really ever goes Delilah Clem's way anyway.

John arrived back at the office about an hour later. Delilah threw up a peace sign and he threw one up back-an unofficial greeting they would use forever.

He plopped back at his desk. “How’s everything?”  
“Alright. Cabot went over everything with me, and provided a therapist to talk to. In spite of my many objections.”   
Olivia sighed. “Our therapists are specialized in sexual trauma-”   
“How do you know mine isn’t?” Delilah asked cordially.

Elliot cocked an eyebrow. “Are they?”  
“Technically yes, but that’s not why I see them. I see them to deal with that anxiety bitch.” She chuckled and popped a chocolate in her mouth.

“Ooh! Olivia, I love Hershey’s kisses!”  
“I didn’t give you Hershey’s kisses, I got you the full bars.”   
Delilah furrowed her brow and dug around, finding a sticky note.

_Let's get to know each other-we got off on a weird foot. I work upstairs. You’re welcome anytime. -Fin Tutuola._

“Aww, Fin got them for me. I’m gonna go say thanks.” She stood and walked up the cold stairs, spotting him shoved in a corner.

He was across from the other newbie, a younger girl than Delilah and possessing around three times the preppiness. Delilah sighed and walked over.

“Hey Fin!”   
He seemed relieved as hell to get the girl across from him to shut up. “Hey, Delilah.”   
“Call me Delly.” She rolled up a chair. “Mind if I-”   
“Please, please. You’re always welcome up here.”   
She smiled. “So who is this young lady?”   
“I’m Samantha Reeves, a new detective.”   
“How sweet.” Delilah smiled. “How old are you, dear?”   
“Older than you.”   
Delilah laughed, thinking she was joking. She was not.

“I just turned twenty three.”  
“Honey, my 31st birthday is in a month.” Delilah grinned, almost a bearing of teeth.

Fin could definitely sense the power dynamic-Reeves thought she was in charge, but she was sorely mistaken.

“How does tonight work?” Delilah turned to Fin.

“He’s busy. Him and I were going to get-”  
“Were we?” Fin turned and raised an eyebrow. “I don’t remember that conversation.”   
Reeves fell short and crossed her arms. “I was going to ask.”   
“You didn’t.”   
Delilah smirked. “So?”   
“Tonight’s fine.”   
“Where?”   
“I know a place.” He smirked a little and she smiled back.   
“What about our work?”   
“What about it?”   
“Well, we’re doing the Ronaldo case-”

“Ronaldo isn’t gonna get any deader.”  
Reeves scowled. “You shouldn’t blow off work to go on a date.”   
“Yeah, she’s right. This weekend would be better. Besides, me and John are gonna be working late-”   
“Delilah!” John yelled from up the stairs. “Come on, new case.”   
“Hopefully this time I don’t get raped.” She jogged down the stairs and John sighed.

“Don’t say things like that, I’m already worried about you.”

“Aww, it’s good to see you care.”  
“Delilah.” He stopped her. “I’m serious.”   
“I’m okay. It might take a while to feel better, and lord knows anal is off my bucket list, but I’ll feel better soon.”   
“Do you need a hug or…”   
“I always need a hug from you.”   
He chuckled and gave her a squeeze quickly.   
“Ooh, no godawful cologne?”   
“I managed to squeeze in a quick shower.”   
“Thank _God_.” She sat in the drivers seat of HIS CAR and held out her hands for the keys.

“You have some nerve, Delilah.” He grumbled but dropped them in her hands anyways.

“Thank you!” She started his car and winced. “Your engine sounds unhappy.”  
“What the hell can I do? I just blew all my money on a divorce lawyer. Oh, by the way, as of this morning, I am a single man.”   
“Congratulations!” 

“Yeah, well, it wasn’t worth it.” He sat back. “You mind if I catch a nap?”  
“Sure, go ahead. I’ll be gentle.”

He conked out, snoring even. Delilah sighed and drove very carefully, avoiding potholes and taking side roads to avoid loud traffic. She also went slower, so he’d have more time.

In the end, he got a solid twenty minutes sleep. She woke him up gently, and he opened his eyes. 

She decided his eyes were her second favorite part of his face. His gentle smile that he gave her when he woke up and saw her, she thought, was her favorite. His mouth was her favorite. His smirks, his voice, all of it enthralled her. 

Sometimes Delilah could get ahead of herself. But, those intensely passionate feelings of romance always went away after a few weeks, unless she allowed them to blossom. She decided John didn’t need another heartbreak, and as he sat up, she decided he was better off without her.   
That didn’t mean that they couldn’t be as close as peas in a pod.

“Morning sleepyhead.”  
“How long was I out?” He stretched as best he could.

“Twenty minutes.”  
“For real? Damn, did you inch your way here?”   
“You needed rest.”   
He scowled a little and she smiled at his lips. They quirked at the corners, and she liked it. She also liked his stubble. She wanted to feel it rasp on her cheek.   
She got out of the car and looked around. A woman, sobbing, was sitting in an ambulance. 

“Hello ma’am, I’m Detective Clem with the Special Victims Unit. What’s your name, hon?”  
“S-Susan…”   
“Hi Susan. This is my partner John Munch, and we’re here to help. You wanna tell us what happened?” Delilah sat down on her left.   
Susan nodded and shakily said, “I was raped…”   
“Okay. Can you give us more detail?” John said, sitting on Susan’s right.

“Um...he was blonde...I couldn’t see his face, he was wearing a surgical mask…but he pushed me down and did me...he hurt so bad…”  
“Did you see any strange or defining features?”   
“A tattoo on his neck of a butterfly...that’s all. And he was tall, so tall.”   
John nodded and set a hand on her shoulder.

“We promise, we’ll do anything we can.”

Delilah nodded in agreement. “Everything in our power to find who did this, and bring him to justice.”  
John stood and canvassed the scene (a bedroom), talking to the EMs while Delilah discussed what had happened with an officer.

A camera guy walked up to her. “You and John need a first partner pic together.”

She shrugged and called John over. He slung an arm around her shoulder and grinned a little. She beamed for the camera.

The photographer gave them a thumbs up and she smiled at him. “What was this all about, huh?”  
“Every partner pair does it when they’re new.” He explained with a smirk. “Oh yeah, that’s a keeper.”

“Yeah?”  
“My smile is nice. We make a good pair.”   
Her smile widened hopefully as he grinned at the print. “We’re both gorgeous.”   
She laughed a little and walked back to the scene. He watched her scan the scene and felt _fascination_ with her. Fin enthralled him, she fascinated him.

Get your head back in the game, John. You don’t know her.

She finished the walk by and handed him a page of notes. _Notes._ She’d taken notes.

“Uh, thanks, but I take mine in my noggin.”  
She nodded understandingly. “Do you mind if I probe you then?”   
“Sure.”   
“What did you think of the phone?”   
“Huh?”   
“The bedside phone was concave, and covered in blood, as well as what looks like some form of mucus. Like someone got suckered in the nose.”   
“Man, I’m a shit detective, I didn’t see that.”   
“What did you see?”   
“Ripped sheets and glass shards.”   
“Mhm. Rip in a fashion similar to fingernails, judging by the spaces of the holes.”   
John sighed. “Do you _have_ to act like you know everything?”   
“It’s her job.” Fin said from behind him. “I personally find it impressive she can identify the rip patterns.”   
“Yeah, whatever.”   
Fin smiled at her and she sheepishly smiled back.

“Damn you two, get a room.”  
“Hey, I’d be happy to drop Reeves for Clem.”   
“Please, call me Delly!”   
“Hey, how come I can’t call you Delly?”   
“Take a guess.” She said coolly. “Anyways, how’d your canvas go?”   
“Looks like somebody got his nose bashed in.” Fin and her walked off, John stewing in himself.

 _“My_ partner, _my_ new crew _, but nooo,_ Fin’s the one she gets all jiggy with.”   
“Lighten up Munch, at least he’s getting lucky.” Olivia patted his shoulder. “Better than most of us.”   
“Yeah, with _my partner!”_ _  
_


End file.
